learning to fly

Learning to fly:

i knew it was coming. i had the entire ride up here to think about it. it wont be so bad. i’ll just charge it. “grip it and rip it,” i had said with such bravado. easy to say from the comfort of the car. now that i’m standing on top if it, it’s another story all together.

baby steps. walk before running. one step at a time, bla bla bla… useless mantras that might make sense somewhere, but not right now. i want to be somewhere else. all i can see are the 98 different ways this can go wrong. not enough speed, crash. too much speed, crash. too far forward, crash. too far back, crash. you get the picture. it looks impossibly far. it looks impossibly tall. did i mention i want to be somewhere else.

yes i am scared. yes i am nervous. it’s a completely irrational thing to do. it is the opposite of safe and sane. but a part of me wants to go. go over. i could walk away, but that’s not why i came. i came here to learn. learn to fly…